I Fear...
by Farla
Summary: a pokemon POV about the lead pokemon of an aspiring master. Dark (like I write anything else)


I fear…

I fear…

By Farla

You say you want to be a master. It's your goal, to beat every other trainer, and to gain access to the rumored unknown caverns, where the strongest pokemon live. 

And you feel that it is **my** goal to get you there.

I wonder if you really understand pokemon levels. It's like how humans say how old they are, how many years they've lived, how wise they are. Still, I don't think it would have mattered.

You send me out to battle the most. I'm at a far higher level then the rest. I'm not just stronger, I'm smarter.

I guess I'm finally wise enough to realize what exactly it is I worry about.

The others don't understand. They're all at far lower levels. I envy them. They don't think, wonder, worry about things around them.

But me…I wonder, I worry, I fear. I wonder about you. I worry that you will send me against an opponant who is too strong for me, and I will fail you.

I fear…

I've been with you since the beginning. I've known you for very long. I've watched as you caught pokemon after pokemon. Some you kept-but most you didn't. Now they spend most of their time in pokeballs. You caught them for no reason but to expand your pokedex.

When you caught a pokemon that was stronger then a pokemon on your team, the one that had fought for you, obeyed you, been hurt for you, was gone in a moment, condemned to a pokeball for most of it's remaining life.

I'm your strongest. My place is secure. But I fear…

Sometime I wonder if what I do is right. I battle others for you, and hurt them, and get hurt, and all for what? So you can gain power and fame?

Recently, I've thought about not battling, and instead ignoring your orders. I would never have thought of this before.

Most pokemon trainers and researchers think that the reason high-level or evolved pokemon sometimes stop obeying is because they feel that they are strong enough to disobey orders and still win. That they feel that they can already beat the opponent, so why bother fighting?

It isn't true. It's just that as we get older, we start to wonder these things.

I wish I could disobey you. I remember how I once saw a charizard on TV, in the pokemon league. It ignored it's trainer's orders and refused to battle. It was strong, and not gotten rid of.

But me…I'm scared. I'm weak. If you released pokemon that disobeyed, then I would dare. I was wild once; I could survive like that again. It would be hard, but not as hard as before. I'm far, far stronger now.

But you don't. If I were to disobey, you would rarely let me out for battle. To be trapped in a ball for so long…I could scarcely stay sane like that.

And then, you would use me less and less, until I was so desperate to stay out of the ball that I'd battle for you again. I wonder if you would even understand what you were doing, but it would work all the same.

If, somehow, I was able to keep disobeying, then it would only get worse. A pokemon that doesn't win battles doesn't stay on your team long. I've seen what happens to those who disobey long enough.

I'm scared. I could never stay in a ball for so long. That's why I fight so hard, so that you will use me often. 

What if you were to get rid of me, dump me off to stay in a pokeball and only be let out once in mew knows how many days?

I fear…

I battle for you, and yet I feel it's only prolonging the day until you become a master.

Yes, being a pokemon master is rare. But few trainers are like you. We fight harder then they do. And you don't keep pokemon on your team because they're your friends. You keep the ones who are strong, and get rid of the rest.

I know that we can do it. If I could, I'd lose that last battle, so you wouldn't ever get to be a master.

But if I did that, you'd be so mad you'd get rid of me. You'd condemn me to a pokeball for the rest of my life.

But once you are a master, how long will you keep me?

I'm not as strong as the pokemon in the caves. Remember that oddish you caught in Cerulean? It told me of the caves, and how the normal wild pokemon stay far away from there. The pokemon inside are far, far stronger than any on your team. How long will you keep me with them? Then again, I doubt you still remember the oddish. You got sick of a pokemon with only one attack-absorb, and dumped it off your team soon after it beat Misty for you.

I fear…I fear that you will get them, and get rid of me. And I fear that I've sold my soul, done things that I know are wrong, just to give me a few more days of half freedom, for a breath of air during a battle.

I am not strong enough to disobey. I am a pidgeot. I could not live in a tiny pokeball cage.

And so I will fight for you, Master, until the day you get rid of me like all the others.

Well, that's yet another depressing pokemon POV from me. I think I've done 14, not counting this one.


End file.
